Last night, much like the rest of the nights, folks were #MadOnline after the completion of the Western Conference Finals. There was much debate over whether or not Steph Curry is humble enough. Months ago I wrote that I was shocked that he hadn’t been punched in the face due to his lack of humility and, to no surprise, he has still yet to be socked in the mouth. Perhaps it’s because he has Draymond Green at his back, ever-ready to kick someone in the twig and berries, but that’s besides the point.
The NBA, along with the NCAA, NFL, MLB, NHL, and whatever the lacrosse and soccer leagues are called, are laden with pompous, self-entitled asshats who could learn a thing or two about being humble. But we’re talking about the NBA right now – and after thousands of hours of research, I have compiled the definitive list of humble role models all children should aspire to be.
5. Russell Westbrook
I’ve seen no evidence to suggest that Russell Westbrook couldn’t dunk on his opposition every possession of every game he’s ever played. The fact that he hoists threes with a reckless abandon and continues to pass the ball to his cursed teammate is clearly an attempt to keep the games interesting and competitive for the sake of the fans. Also, Russell Westbrook plays at least 82 televised games a year and we see him dance for approximate 41 whole minutes. If that. Meanwhile you have showboats like Odell Beckham who, despite only playing in 16 games, video tapes himself dancing for hours and hours every week. Westbrook’s incredible restraint on both the basketball court and dance floor is all the evidence I need to anoint him one of the most humble humans in the Association.
4. Evan Fournier
Most pro athletes can’t get enough of reading about themselves. Searching their name on Twitter, passive aggressively favoriting negative tweets about themselves, all sorts of non-humble acts being perpetrated on the internet every single day by these conceited jackasses. But that’s just not the case for Evan Fournier. I’m sure some of you don’t even know whom Evan Fournier even is. That’s because he’s manipulated Google’s SEO so that he doesn’t even show up if you search his name. Go ahead. Google Fournier. I’ll wait.
Now that you’ve bleached your eyes, you see why Fournier’s made this list. Guy is as humble as they come.
3. Joel Embiid
The consensus “highest ceiling” player of the 2014 Draft is so humble he refuses to even play in the NBA in fear of shaming his opponents. He doesn’t even train in these United States in order to protect the feelings and psyches of his potential opposition. He eats candy constantly so that he can put a governor on his ceiling, for it wouldn’t be fair if he ever reached the pinnacle of his personal athletic prowess. You know what Joel Embiid’s humbleness got his team? Ben Simmons. Few humans in the history of the sport have curbed their ego so effectively for the benefit of their millionaire owners. A shirley temple cheers to you, sir.
2. Zach Randolph
Enough said.
1. JR Smith
“What? JR Smith? THE JR Smith?! Is this kid drunk, high or incapacitated in some other fashion? What kind of an idiot thinks JR Smith is the epitome of humble?”
This kind of idiot, that’s who. Look, JR Smith had sex with Rihanna. He never said he had sex with Rihanna, Rihanna never said she had sex with JR Smith, and yet the entire world’s population knows for a fact that JR Smith has hand delivered the pipe to Queen of Barbados. If I had sex with Rihanna I wouldn’t talk about anything else ever again in my life. In fact my life might not last much longer since I assume she’d murder me post-copulation like the black widow spider that she is (for the record in case you’re reading this I’m more than ok with you killing me, Rih.) In the off chance that I survived I’d tattoo it on my fucking forehead. I’d go as far to invent gif tattoos so that the entire two second scene could live on for eternity, giving myself a reason to finally smile when I look in a mirror.
But JR? Just another day. Didn’t feel the need to confirm or deny because it’s nobody’s business – not even JR’s.
Mick's Tape 